The Danibelle Trilogy

Dani Belle

Her hands
Small and  delicate
Flutter
Touch
Flutter
As she moves they float
Land here
Only moment
Flutter
Brush back short wispy hair
Teach
Smooth butterscotch skin
Clasped lightly in her lap
Flutter
Flying across computer keys
Scooping up blue-eyed babies
Rubbing her sore graceful neck
Flutter
Begging to be touched
Calling to my skin
Reaching
She knows not how
I long for
Her hands.

Dani Belle II

I get lost
Minutes...hours...centuries
Lost
While gazing
At the soft skin of her back
The way her shoulder blades protrude
Delicately
The curve where her neck meets her shoulders
Perfectly
Beckoning
The gentle indention of her low back
The soft swell below
I gaze
Lost
In the masterpiece
Of her back
She
Is
Beauty.
Please turn around.

Dani Belle III

She looks at me
Through me
Past me
Beyond me
But I can't take my eyes off
Her.
And those wide green
Pools
of thought
of hope
of dreams
of desire
For much more
Than this
Than...me
But oh those eyes are beautiful
Even though
They look through me
Past me
Beyond me
And don't see
Me.

Fickle Love

*Disclosure: All names have been changed to protect the privacy of my cast of characters.

So tonight I have been contemplating friendship and relationships and how people just interact with each other in general. I had a professor in college who would quote Machiavelli all the time. The one he beat into our heads: "I would rather be feared than loved, as love is a fickle thing." My is that not a lesson I have learned. I have been on both the giving and receiving end of fickle love and there is nothing that can destroy someone so very completely than loving them one day and not knowing them the next. I am going to take the time to tell a little story here. It is full of drama and twists so pay attention.

It started at my younger sister's wedding rehearsal. I was introduced to the guy that I was supposed to be walking into the wedding with. We will call him Malcom. He was a cutie. At the time, I was pretty over dating. I hadn't been doing much because I felt I was a poor judge of character and I was too wrapped in my kids to try and attempt to figure out a relationship. Heck, if I got a shower before work that was a miracle. Anyway, let's fast forward some...we had an immediate connection. He was smart, funny, sexy and charming. I mean isn't that what we are all looking for in a man. And his lips...ohh chile...but anyway. So, we do the rehearsal thing and the wedding thing, the reception thing and the entire time he is at my side. Joking, laughing, flirting and hinting. He was younger than me but meh...age is nothing but a number right? Fast forwarding~~right~~So we started hanging out a lot (no kids involved) and we had amazing chemistry and things were great. Well, his birthday was coming up. Now let's stop for a minute...what does a guy, who is turning 25, who is having amazing sex with a gorgeous older woman want for his birthday? You guessed it sex with her and another gorgeous woman. Now, I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination and can't say I haven't been attracted to woman at times. But lets fast forward a bit more. There will be another time for the details of that story. We, three, had our encounter and she was such a wonderful woman. At least I thought so at the time. She fell in love...but I thought we were just friends. We were inseparable and yet I still never took her jokes and comments seriously.  Going thru an old journal today I found that she had written poems about me. Completely blew my mind. I am going to share those hear...just because the situation became so toxic. Like that old saying goes...when you play with fire you are bound to get burned...and boy did I ever...but it was a learning and growing experience and I am all about that. And soon I will find a way to share that story with you...but for now...That's all I have to say about that. I will post the poems next...

Ah-ha moment

Its important to know that success doesn't happen overnight. And just because it takes time, dedication and hard work doesn't mean that it won't happen. It is just important to set the goal and then take steps everyday to get there. The path my start covered in brush and hard to find...but as you keep working toward it the path will become more and more clear! As long as we live and breathe, we need to be learning, growing, thinking and challenging. I don't have a lot of followers now and the ones that I do have aren't faithful yet. But that doesn't mean that I have less to say or that what I am saying is any less valid or relevant. It takes time. It takes research. To be truly successful it takes sweat, blood and tears. So as the outline of my life is slowly coming into view, I realize that even if I am on the right track...it is too soon to see amazing results. I have had positive feedback and guys the truth is sometimes you just have to encourage yourself. And that's all I have to say about that!

Perspective

Writing this morning...Today was a gorgeous morning...was able to spend some QT with the bf. Side note~does anyone else besides me think it is weird to be in your 30's or 40's and calling someone your boyfriend or your girlfriend? Yea me too. Anyway, I am sitting on his patio~reading, thinking, dreaming. Wondering if this main with his strong convictions and outrageous opinions could really be the one who  I am destined to be with. I have stewed, prayed, thought, dreamed, and even talked to my roommate some about him & me & us~~ but can anyone really be on the right page when it comes to personal and intimate relationships? Yes, I want the fun and the romance and the chemistry but even more I NEED stability, strong character and sense of self, a Christian man, a good father, and a caring man. He is all of that. And he listens--sometimes. It's a work in progress but he is working as much as I am working. This could be it. But I think it is more than butterflies and tingling toes, giddy smiles and shy winks...its gotta be solid. Like that old song used to sing..."Solid...Solid as a rock...that's what our love is!"

It is what is is...and I don't know yet about this thing called love and when you go with your feelings or what makes sense...and so That is all I have to say about that!!

Until next time,

Dani

Untitled

Circumstances unusual

Typical of this 21^st century generation

Everything computerized so impersonalized

But I met him

Conversation was good but centered on him

Nervousness, arrogance, wasn’t sure what the cause

But something still intrigued me so I continued without much pause

And I learned about him

Time passing was short

But in person was our goal

Spontaneous trip was planned

When I saw him

All I could do was smile as the butterflies came alive in my belly

And when he smiled back my legs turned to jelly

We played the five of us on the playground as natural as could be

I was feeling him

More talking and sharing and laughing and playing

Looked deep in his eyes and knew what he was thinking

Leaned in closer and I had never felt anything so sweet

I wanted him

Late night talks and stories we continue to share

Into the depths of our souls questions poked with much care

Obstacles from the past so similar it’s uncanny

I could appreciate him

Storm clouds gathered and the rain began to fall

Swallowed all pride to let each other in and I answered the call

Facing demons daily a lesser man couldn’t handle

I had no choice but to respect him

Want him by my side and he values my opinion

Makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman in the nation

Looks past my flaws and cares to know where I have been

Desires to help me grow and has no problem showing his appreciation

And for that reason I can say

That I adore him

Grateful

Times are hard—I am overwhelmed—Know I am blessed but lose that feeling of eternal gratitude a thankful spirit is what I need in more abundance

Could be homeless-rent’s unpaid

But I am grateful

Children could be sick but healthy, whole, beautiful and smart—defiant at times, ornery sometimes…

But I am grateful

I am grateful they have seeing eyes, all their limbs, beautiful faces, working minds

I am oh so grateful

Circumstances are un-ideal at best but I have love in my heart

I am grateful

There are people who love me—respect me—value me…

People don’t look at me with blank eyes

People don’t look through me and wish I would disappear

I am grateful

My money is funny, and bills are unpaid…my health isn’t always perfect but still I can say

I am grateful

Open my heart

See with my soul

Use the love that God shows me to love others entirely

Food isn’t always what I want it to be but I am not hungry

The sun shines in my life but I concentrate on the storm

I need to be more grateful

Tell the storm to go away

I choose to be grateful—more than a thank you but a deep sense of appreciation

Choose to be grateful for the storm when it won’t go away…for the clouds that bring the rain that brings the blue skies, green trees, pretty flowers and birds that sing

I am grateful

For if you have 1 person…just one that thinks of you fondly, looks at you deeply, prays for you daily—should you not be blessed

But we cry and complain, drink and sex our problems away because we don’t have the 1 that we want—who may not even be the 1 that we need

So much love, so many levels yet I concentrate on what really doesn’t matter

I need to be more grateful

Why am I here? What purpose do I serve?

In a position to help so many but do I give my all to anyone?

I need to be more grateful

Grateful—for my life, my experiences, my love and my soul—

Need to give more freely and share much more

Love harder, kiss more, laugh louder—don’t bother to store

Be slow to complain, don’t pout or ignore

Feel I have found my niche so settle and explore

Be what I can be to whoever needs me

It’s all in perspective I have been doing it wrong

Gotta be more grateful or the battle won’t be won

True life’s happiness can’t be found in anything –it lies in the hearts and souls of people that we touch on that plane

Trying to make changes, trying to change my focus—from now all the things that will center

Love…gratitude… forgiveness…hope

Untitled

Tumbling

Tripping

I catch myself.

Days progress

Smile brightens

Trip again

Will I fall?

Straighten up

Brush it off

The thought arises

Will I be caught?

Events occur

Personalities shine

Maybe this is where I should be

Divine plan

Guard is down

Tripping

Tumbling

Believe I am falling.